Admitting The Problem

Speaking from experience, trying to avoid a problem or negative feeling does not work very well. In fact, it usually causes more harm than good.

I’ve written on here before about how I held in all of my “negative” emotions when I was growing up, something I’m still unlearning, and while I knew that it was never good for me, knowing that and stopping are two completely different things.

For most of my life, I was convinced that one negative emotion meant that I would feel that emotion forever. I’m sad today? I can’t acknowledge it, or else I’ll be sad for the rest of my life. I hope I don’t have to point out how unhealthy that is.

It’s interesting to look back, knowing what I know now, and seeing the unhealthy patterns and thoughts I had for most of my life. I thought there was something wrong with having negative emotions, that they would overshadow me and I’d be stuck in self-pity forever. Obviously, this isn’t true! There are both sides to this, of course, and it can go too far in the opposite direction, but avoiding anything that isn’t positive doesn’t help anything.

Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of models of healthy emotional expression or regulation, which is where many of my issues stem from. Toxic positivity is hard to shake off, especially when you already have a reputation for seeming dramatic or oversensitive. I was constantly told to stop worrying, get my mind off a negative topic, or that I was taking a situation too seriously. One of the biggest struggles I’ve had in my mental health journey has been breaking this habit. My feelings are valid, and I am allowed to feel them! Say it until you believe it.

I’ve also always had a problem with apologizing too much. My first therapist got used to reminding me not to apologize for crying, and eventually pointed out when I stopped saying sorry for showing any emotions. That was a win!

Growing up, I often felt like my feelings and reactions were a burden to the people around me. As I’ve found friends in adulthood, I have had to get used to people genuinely asking me how I feel, or relating to my anxieties and other issues in my life. It’s been an adjustment, and while it’s not always easy, it’s been so worth it.

I hope you know that your feelings are valid and you deserve to take up space. Know that I’m right beside you on this journey, rooting for you along the way.

—Abbie