Three Years Ago
It’s been roughly three years since I began taking medication for my anxiety, and I thought now would be a good time to take a look back at everything that’s happened since then.
I’ve written about this before, but taking medication did not immediately take away the severe anxiety I had while driving and during my day-to-day. The meds worked in conjunction with the strategies my therapist taught me and slowly I was able to overcome it.
To give a quick recap, in the beginning of 2020/early COVID times, I started having a ton of anxiety any time I drove or even sat in a car. Sitting at red lights made me feel so antsy and full of pent up energy that I was often afraid of the impulsive thoughts I had.
I need to get out of this car.
I need to get out of this lane.
I was so afraid that I would do something dangerous and hurt myself or someone else. Thankfully I never did, but if you also struggle with these kinds of thoughts, you know how scary they can be. Still to this day I find myself looking for shortcuts and places I can pull over to give myself time to breathe. I spent so much time trying to memorize the patterns of the stop lights around me home town that I can still tell you that one of the intersections downtown, where you can’t turn right on red, the green arrow pops up for the right hand turn lane as through traffic is turning left.
Then there was driving on the highway. During the summer of 2020, my parents and I helped my brother move into his first apartment. My mom and I were following my brother and my dad driving the U-Haul truck so we knew where we were going. I still don’t know how to put it into words, but the closest I’ve gotten is that I felt electric pulses shooting through my body any time I moved. I had to focus almost all my attention on my breathing because I felt like I was either going to have a panic attack or pass out—whichever came first.
Fast forward to a little over a month ago. My family was going up north for the weekend and while we usually take the back roads up there, we took the highway this time to swing by my brother’s place and his girlfriend’s job to pick them up. It’s about a three hour drive, and I managed to make it the entire time without asking to get off the highway or take a break. By the time we got to the cabin, I was almost in tears. I did it!
Another thing that changed almost three years ago is my job. I’ve been working retail since November of 2020, and I’ve learned so much about myself and gained a ton of work experience. Not to mention the incredible friends I’ve made along the way, who I don’t know what I would do without. Now I’m searching for a new job and trying to find something I’m passionate about.
It’s been a wild few years, in more ways than one.
I also want to thank you all for sticking with me throughout all this. Whether you’re finding my work for the first time or you’ve been around for a while, thank you. Thank you for spending your time on this site and allowing me to share your story.
I hope you can look back on the past three years and congratulate yourself on the progress you’ve made. I’m proud of you.
—Abbie
