Stop If You Need To
This was my mantra when my driving anxiety was through the roof. When I felt the anticipatory anxiety coming, or the beginnings of a panic attack when I was already behind the wheel, I would repeat in my mind: If you need to pull over, do it.
Of course, my brain had a number of retorts to this. What if I’m late to wherever I’m going? Maybe I should just turn around and go back home. There was also a common refrain of anger at myself for not being able to do this “simple” task, especially since this anxiety came out of nowhere after a couple years of driving experience. Why can’t I do anything without feeling like this? What’s wrong with me?
It’s taken a lot of work (and therapy) to remember that it’s okay to put myself and my comfort before other things. Would it really be the end of the world if I was a few minutes late to class? No, it would be fine, and my professor probably wouldn’t even ask why I was running behind schedule. While I’m in a much better place with this now, I still struggle and regress every once in a while.
I deal with a lot of anxiety around my diabetes, especially hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar events. Shortly after I was diagnosed and my doctor was tweaking how much insulin I was taking, I developed a habit of snacking between meals to ward off lows. There’s nothing wrong with snacking, of course, but I was doing it to the extent that I would have the opposite problem—my blood sugar would spike. My doctor understood this, and assured me that I was not alone in doing this. While I’ve gotten over a lot of this anxiety, I still feel it creep in sometimes.
For example, when I’m working. If I’m set to be a doing a task where I’m likely going to be moving non-stop with very few breaks, I get a little nervous. Usually I try to squeeze in a break beforehand and eat something to give my levels a boost. Sometimes it works out perfectly, other times I end up with a spike. Just my luck, right?
The mantra applies here, too. I am allowed to tell my coworkers and/or boss that I need to take a break to deal with my blood sugar if I need to. I’ve done it countless times in the nearly three years I’ve had this job, and I’ve never had any issues. Honestly, even if someone did have a problem with it, it’s on them. I can’t control when this happens—that’s kind of diabetes’ whole thing—so sometimes I will need to step away. Most people are super understanding, and not just because the ADA protects diabetics from discrimination.
The fact is, my health matters. My comfort matters. My sense of safety matters. My basic needs are not a burden, or something I need to apologize for. This took me a long, long time to learn, but I’m so glad I finally did.
If you also struggle with this, I hope you try to practice stopping if you need to. There is no shame in taking care of yourself and your needs.
Stay safe.
—Abbie
