Progression & Regression
A couple of months ago, my anxiety about driving and being in cars was beginning to come back. I was worried—would it be as bad as it was last summer? I didn’t think I could go through that again. I called my doctor and she decided we would try doubling my dose from ten milligrams to twenty. Thankfully, the new dose helped and leveled out the new anxiety I was dealing with.
In the next month or two, I would start making a lot of progress. I was able to sit through a forty-five minute long car ride with my parents without panicking. A week later I would drive further by myself than I have in nearly a year and a half.
Even with all this amazing progress, and how proud I am of myself, there’s always something in the back of my mind wondering if or when the progress will stop and I’ll revert back to how things were before. I know I need to push myself further and further, but I can never shake the feeling that my medication will suddenly stop working and I’ll be unable to be in a car for more than five minutes without having a panic attack.
When I brought this up to my therapist, she made a good point that I think about a lot. She said that no matter what happens, I will never be back to the beginning of this journey, because I know more about myself and my anxiety now than I did then. And I do. However, the fear of regression is definitely still something I deal with.
Whenever I see someone struggling or talking about their struggles on social media, I usually comment and say that progress isn’t linear. Which is true! There is no point a to point b magical path you can take to overcome your problems. Believe me, I wish it were that easy. I wish I was as supportive of myself as I am of other people. You wouldn’t tell someone who went backwards in their journey that you were disappointed in them, would you? Why do we do it to ourselves?
Be patient with yourself, you deserve all of the patience and support that you give others.
Stay safe!
—Abbie