Just One Thing
People tend to label themselves as one thing.
Whether it’s their religion, political affiliation, gender identity, or socioeconomic status, humans do this a lot. This is something I’ve learned throughout my life, especially in the past few years as I have been looking deeper into my mental health and how it has changed the way I look at myself. In fact, I would often say something along these lines in an apologetic way, or by way of explanation.
It’s just my anxiety, I’ll be fine. I’m just feeling a little emotional today. I’m just shy, just introverted.
A lot of these labels come from outside sources. When I was growing up, my anxiety was just as severe as it is now—maybe even more so—but we didn’t know that. To the adults around me I was a shy, sensitive, emotional kid. They would often use the same language: “You’re feelings just get hurt easily”.
Hearing these things so often when I was growing up definitely still affects how I see my personality today, and I don’t know how I feel about that. Putting just in front of my personality traits make it sound like I’m apologizing for who I am, something I used to do quite a bit, but now I try not to. Because here’s the thing: I’m not just anything. Sure, I am shy, and anxious, and emotional, but that doesn’t even come close to summing up who I am. I am so much more than that—I’m a lot of other things, too. Really cool, really interesting things.
Believe me, I understand how hard it is to stop over-apologizing once you’ve made a habit out of it. On more than one occasion my friends have told me not to say that I’m sorry when I hadn’t even realized I said it. I’ve worked hard to build up my confidence in myself and appreciate the things that make me who I am. I finally realized that I deserve better than having to explain myself or apologize for being myself.
Has it been easy to unlearn all of the negative things I used to think about myself? Of course not. There was a time in my life that I would put myself down mid-conversation, calling myself stupid to the point where I would hurt my own feelings. I remember how awful that felt, and that feeling is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, especially not myself again.
Again, I know it’s hard to unlearn these things, but I need you to promise me something: Try. You don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror and list five things you like about yourself (I know that feels impossible sometimes, too). The next time you have a negative thought about something you feel or the way you react to something—barring an unnecessarily angry or violent reaction, of course—try to spin it into something positive.
Stay safe, and give yourself a break.
—Abbie
