Progress, Revisited
Happy Mental Health Awareness Month!
This week, I decided to look back on a post from last year that was about how I viewed the progress I had made up to that point with my mental health, specifically my driving anxiety. In this post I want to zoom out and focus on the whole thing—my mind and my body.
Let’s start with my relationship with my body. I’ve written a few things this year about how I have dealt with burnout related to my chronic illness. Then, and still to this day, I am still wrestling with this. I’ve spent most of my life downplaying a lot of my emotions, always with the excuse that other people have it “worse”. I understand, logically, that two things can be true at once. Other people can struggle and be valid, and I can struggle and be valid.
This is not easy to remember. It’s also not easy to stop blaming myself when my blood sugar is out of range. It’s also not easy to erase all of the negative thoughts I’ve ever had and continue to have about how my body looks. It’s not easy to quiet the voice in my head that panics when I’m presented with food that I’m not comfortable eating.
I opened up to my therapist a couple of weeks ago about my deep anxiety surrounding food (which is another blog post for another day) and how that has affected my body image. I realized that this was a huge part of my story that I had never shared with her, a part of my story that I still struggle to share. I cried more during that session than I have in a long, long time. It felt good. Scary, but good. Remember, two things can be true at once.
Now let’s shift to my mental health. I’m coming up on two years of being on my anxiety meds, and I still cannot believe how much they’ve helped me. I will always support other people’s choices when it comes to treatment that works for them, but I also strongly encourage you to look into medication if you think it might help you. It can’t hurt to get more information!
My anxiety isn’t cured or completely gone, not even close, but it’s better. Much better. I can drive to work and home with minimal anxiety. I start my summer semester classes this week and I’m actually excited to be driving back to campus, which is something I wouldn’t have thought of saying even a year ago. Could I have done it? Sure. Would I have enjoyed it? Not even close.
It’s still hard sometimes, and I don’t think I will ever get to a point where my anxiety doesn’t make things hard. Maybe one day we’ll be able to cure it and other mental illnesses. Until then, all we can do is give ourselves grace and take it one day at a time.
I started this blog in late 2020 because I wanted a way to get my writing out where people could find it. I also started this blog to share my story, the ups and the downs and the progression and the regression. I’m human and my human brain hits my body’s panic button a little too often. I’m human and my human body attacks itself. Both of these things are not great. However, I am lucky that I have a fantastic support system and a great therapist to help my through this. I understand that not everyone has that.
The systems and biases we have in place surrounding both physical and mental health problems are far, far from perfect. We all have a responsibility to look out for ourselves and others. I’m in if you’re in!
If you’re struggling, please reach out. There is a link to a list of resources on the homepage of this website. You are worthy, you are valuable, and you are doing great.
—Abbie
