Finding The Right People
I spent most of my life surrounded by people who didn't understand–or didn't want to understand–me. I grew up believing that something was wrong with me, and there were few people who heard me say things like that that ever tried to correct me.
I had friends my age, of course, but they also didn't understand why I was so emotional, so sensitive. I'm grateful for the ones that I still have contact with today, the ones who stuck around and encouraged me along the way.
I always imagined a future where I had a big group of friends who would choose to spend time with me, not just make me feel like they had to include me because I was in their class. Aside from the few good friends I had, the rest made no effort to empathize with me. On one hand I get it, we were kids, but on the other hand, I wish there had been an adult or two who had pushed them to be a little nicer to the quiet kid (and each other, but that's a whole other story).
I wish I could say that I don't blame anyone for how I felt as kid, but that's not entirely true. I know they didn't know what they were doing, or that what they said would affect me for my whole life, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it does. I am still unlearning a lot of things I was made to think about myself back then, and it's painful.
I think it's fair to say that there is some resentment there. I wish I didn't feel this way–but then again, trying to change my feelings is something I've needed to unlearn anyway. It's a vicious cycle.
At this point in my life, I am proud to say that I have incredible friends. We may not see each other often, but I know that they're just a phone call or text away. I can go to them for advice, I can tell them how I'm feeling without qualifiers. Some of them have been through similar things and share anxieties with me.
I think a lot about what I would tell my younger self if I had the chance, and I think one of the first things I would say is this:
The right people are out there, and you're going to find them.
–Abbie
