“Don't Let That Stop You”

If you live with a mental illness, physical illness, or a disability, you've probably been told this before. At the very least, you've heard someone say it. As with many things surrounding illness and disability, I believe this is a way to help the people around you who don't deal with the same struggles to feel better, or maybe to use you as an inspiration.

While I understand where people are coming from when they say this, I also think it has a very negative effect on who it's being said to. In my case, it makes me feel like I've failed when my mental or physical illness does stop me from doing things.

At the beginning of the pandemic, my anxiety skyrocketed, and it presented in many ways: insomnia, general panic, and most of all driving. I couldn't even sit in a car for more than a few minutes without freaking out. Even after I started talking to my therapist and began medication, the anxiety wouldn't budge.

It was, for many reasons, difficult. I couldn't go anywhere, even if I wanted to. Sure, I could sit through a twenty minute car ride, but not without feeling like I was going to pass out or have a panic attack any second. It was absolutely miserable.

This definitely stopped me from enjoying my life. I haven't been on the high way in over two years, and that experience was horrible. Imagine feeling a tightness in your chest so intense that you have to focus solely on your breathing. On top of that, every time you make the slightest movement you feel a shock go through your entire body that makes you feel like the world is going to explode around you.

So, yeah, sometimes mental illness does stop me. And that's okay! I spent way too much of my life pushing myself past my limits, and it doesn't help anyone.

As for my diabetes, it's not as cut and dry. I still struggle to give myself grace when it comes to this part of my life. I feel guilty when I have to treat a low blood sugar when my coworkers are drowning. Should I feel guilty? No, of course not. Is it healthy? Absolutely not. It is, however, something that is ingrained in my mind for some reason, and unlearning it is a long process.

Whenever I hear someone say this or something similar, I have a hard time thinking of a response in the moment. What do you say to that? Besides the fact that you are a human being who has limits and needs to rest from time to time?

Unfortunately I don't have an answer to that one, but I do have a word of advice:

Rest. When your body or your mind is telling you something is wrong, believe it. Pushing yourself too hard won't help anyone, especially you, in the long run. You deserve to rest, even if you need to do it more than other people. You are not weak.

You. Are. Not. Weak.

Stay safe, y'all.

–Abbie