Where’s The Line?
A few posts back I wrote about getting to know myself better, and this week I have another thought for you to consider with me.
As a shy, generally nervous person, I've been told my entire life that I need to get out of my comfort zone. You've heard this stuff, I'm sure. Put yourself out there! Take risks!
Growing up, none of that sounded appealing to me. My comfort zone is perfectly sized for me, thank you very much. I had absolutely no intention of leaving it, no matter how hard the adults in my life tried to get me to.
Over the past couple of years, though, I've done a lot of things that would make sixteen year old me faint if someone even suggested them. Getting a job where I have to interact with many people every single day? Dealing with conflict among my coworkers and confrontational customers? Not in a million years.
Looking back on this aspect of my journey has gotten me thinking about what my comfort zone actually allowed when I was growing up and how much of that was purely defined by my undiagnosed anxiety disorder and the thoughts that consumed me from a very young age. Now that I've been in therapy for a while and have been trying to force myself to do new things, I've come up against a question: where do my anxious thoughts end and my actual boundaries begin?
I don't want to sound like one of those people that warns against “living in fear” or whatever, I'm on a journey to figure out what works for me and what makes me uncomfortable.
This is, by definition, a scary journey to go on. I have to put myself out there just enough to face a new situation and decide whether I want to do it or if I pass on the opportunity.
Applying for new jobs that I may not 100% match the qualifications? Sign me up!
Riding a rollercoaster? Nah, I'm good on the ground.
This can also prompt some additional anxiety when I have to tell someone that I don't want to do something and often get told that I need to “lighten up” or that “it'll be fun!” If you've ever found yourself in this situation, know that I feel for you.
There are no hard and fast rules for this process, and everyone is different in where their line in the sand is. It's alright if you're uncomfortable saying no to people who are judging you for having boundaries. I wish I could give you advice on how to get past that, but, as with most things we talk about here, it just takes time. I know, I know, you're sick of hearing it. I promise you, doing the work may be difficult, but it is so worth it.
I'm rooting for you!
–Abbie
