Searching For Answers
When I was in high school, I had no idea what I wanted to study in college. Almost as soon as you walk through the doors on the first day of your freshman year, you're told that you have to figure out what you're going to do for the rest of your life.
Not stressful at all, right?
I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. I have always wanted to be a writer, but I wanted something to fall back on until my career took off. I considered being a librarian, since I love to read–this is still not off the table, honestly.
At one point, I decided I was going to study Psychology. It was interesting to me, after all. This was around the time that the Myers-Briggs personality test was big, and I was obsessed with it. I believe my result was INFJ, the advocate personality type (according to this particular test). I read the summary of what people with this personality type are topically like, and I felt something inside me light up.
This description was spot on for me. The website even gave a list of jobs INFJs typically succeeded at, and I had considered going into quite a few of the ones listed. I was beside myself–these people really understood me!
I began to chase that feeling. I looked for more personality quizzes online, retook the Myers-Briggs test, and felt fulfilled every time I read my results.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Why was I so invested in these tests? What were they really telling me that I didn't already know about myself?
Well, the answer to that is pretty simple in hindsight: I didn't know that much about myself. I think I was so obsessed with those quizzes because I wanted there to be a reason, a justification, for why I was the way I was. Sensitive, shy, empathetic. Anxious. I wanted to prove to others, and myself, that there was a reason I was who I was. There wasn't something wrong with me, I decided. There are other people on the world who are just like me!
I know I've talked here before about why I started this blog, but it's for that exact reason. I don't want anyone else to feel the way I did, blindly searching for any explanation of what they believe is “wrong” with them.
There is nothing wrong with you. I promise.
–Abbie
