Taking Back My Body Image

Content Warning: Talk of weight and body image issues

The first time I remember an adult making a comment about my body, I was six years old. It was a family member, expressing their concern for me to grow up to look like a plus-size person in public. It’s been almost fifteen years, and I think about that moment all the time.

The first time I cried in the doctor’s office because of the number on the scale, I was eight years old. I remember sitting in the examination room, waiting for my pediatrician, crying to my mom because I didn’t like that number. I don’t remember what my weight was, but I will never forget the feeling of seeing it.

I’ve been insecure about my weight and different parts of my body ever since then, even subconsciously. I didn’t wear tank tops for years when I was growing up—much to the confusion of my classmates—and I never really knew why. I have never been consciously insecure about my arms, especially not back then. It wasn’t until years later, maybe I was twelve or thirteen, that I was going to wear a tank top underneath a plaid button-up and changed at the last minute before I went somewhere with my mom. I didn’t know why, but there was a chorus of change change change you have to change you can’t wear this in my mind, non-stop until I put on a t-shirt. I was so confused by my own reaction. Like I said, I never had a problem with my arms—or at least I thought I hadn’t. I wouldn’t put on a tank top again for five years.

There are times when my body isn’t consuming my thoughts. I go about my day, thinking and/or obsessing (thanks, anxiety) about something else. Until, out of nowhere…

My thighs are big

Is my stomach noticeable in these jeans?

Maybe I should wear something else

I doubt I have to tell you that society is to blame for this. Generations and generations of women have and will continue to struggle with their self-image, and while there have been amazing strides in the body positivity movement over the last few years, there is still a long way to go. Plus size people still have to pay more for clothes that fit them—those same plus size people have a good chance of running into someone who will shame them for their weight.

I don’t have any answers, but I do have a couple more things I’d like to tell you.

Your body is an amazing thing. It gives you life, it takes care of you. Do yourself a favor and take care of it back, okay?

Please, please take care of yourself. I’m all about mental wellness here, but promise me you’ll drink some water and eat something nourishing today. You’re a beautiful being and I’m so happy you are here.

Take care, and stay safe.

—Abbie